Holly Golightly: You know those days when you get the mean reds?
Paul Varjak: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?
Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you’re getting fat and maybe it’s been raining too long, you’re just sad that’s all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you’re afraid and you don’t know what you’re afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?
Paul Varjak: Sure.
Holly Golightly: Well, when I get it the only thing that does any good is to jump in a cab and go to Tiffany’s. Calms me down right away. The quietness and the proud look of it; nothing very bad could happen to you there. If I could find a real-life place that’d make me feel like Tiffany’s, then – then I’d buy some furniture and give the cat a name!
Sometimes, it’s like that, Kumquats. And for me, the only thing that does any good is to put on some bright red lipstick, buy some new makeup, and pour myself a glass of wine. If it’s REALLY bad, i’ll make myself go out and socialize, because i know myself, and i’ll just isolate with the cats, and before you know it, i’ll be 70 years old, sharing tuna out of a can with 14 more of the little suckers – communicating in a series of squeaks and grunts like Calvin the Maine Coon because i haven’t had any human contact for the past two decades…
So the first thing i did this morning (after swilling two consecutive pints of coffee) was to put on a nice pair of jeans that makes my butt look good, a pink shirt, and my favourite red lipstick by Tom Ford.
Whenever i even open this tube of Ruby Rush lipstick by Tom Ford, i haz a happy. It’s hard to be sad with this beautiful, rich, bright ruby shade on my lips looking back at me in the mirror. At least, it helps turn my head in the right direction; because nothing spins me further down the depression cycle than when i let things go and don’t care for myself. By the end of my abusive relationship just a few short months ago, i was barely bothering with makeup most days anymore; if i did, he’d comment on it like i had some nefarious plans to step out on him or something. Like it had anything to do with anyone except between me and myself. I decided after that mess that i’d never again let myself get involved with another man who wanted to destroy me, and i’d never let myself go because of depression and hopelessness again. To me, now, makeup (and skincare) is a very real way for me to remind myself of my own worth. Of my own unusual beauty, and my pride in myself.
Ultimately, I don’t care if people don’t like how i do my makeup. I like it, that’s all that matters to me. I HOPE you guys like it, simple as it usually is, or i wouldn’t be sharing it here. But i’d be writing this blog either way. The other day i was on Reddit making a new post to my blog, and noticed that a couple of my older posts had been down-voted a few times (they’d been given a few upvotes as well, but…really?). And it pissed me off for about 5 minutes. What the Hell was wrong with my posts? Are they not well-written, or interesting? Compared to what i was seeing around me, my subject matter wasn’t looking any worse or better than anyone else’s. i didn’t get how i was being judged so negatively. Then i noticed that the ones that got down-voted had photos of me in the post preview – never the ones that only had product photos.
And i thought, well shit – if they’re just tired of seeing my face, my makeup, i don’t give a flying fuck. I did this makeup thing professionally for 20 years and modeled for about half that time – after growing up with a mother who told me how ugly i was all my life. So no, i’m not insecure about my not-exactly-conventionally-beautiful face anymore – i’ve already proved myself to myself. You can’t TELL me i have a nose like a bird beak and deer-in-the-headlight eyes, or that my forehead is a five-head, or that i need to eat a sandwich. Sister, i already heard it. I hacked off all my hair at 16 and later got a bunch of tattoos, that’s how much i care. I still modeled professionally.
And that doesn’t mean “Instagram model”, dear. So i’ll still plaster my face on my posts regularly, if i feel like it. Because maybe this is more about women being shitty to other women than about anything else. That whole women telling other women they’re “too fat/too thin too confident/too shy too ugly/too pretty too sexy/too reserved” and on and on it goes. I’d like to think we can be supportive of each other and not petty. I write this blog for myself, but also because i hope other women like me might get something out of it. Because guess what? Makeup can’t make anyone beautiful, it’s what happens internally that makes us feel one way or the other about how we look. Marilyn Monroe thought she was ugly, for chrissakes.
For me, beauty blogging and doing makeup and skincare and all of it – it’s fun; and lately it’s also largely about not looking ill.
So if i’m not doing the trendy Instagram seven-billion-colours-with-glitter-and-a-cut-crease style like everyone else, that’s MY business. Ironically, i get lots of support, there! My favourite makeup artists there are all doing something unique and different – while what i’m doing is fairly basic. I do what makes sense for me, with my health issues and level of energy on any given day. That’s what this blog is about, after all. It’s why it’s called “sickandpretty.net”; that’s not just some cute tag-line.
As for the writing bit? I’ve also been published numerous times; i know i can write. It’s a survival skill i developed way back in the day, when my diary was my best friend. But even if i had the writing skills of a 10 year old illiterate who grew up in Appalachia with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and couldn’t string two sentences together to boot, i’d STILL write, because i love it that much. It kept me sane as a kid, and it keeps me sane now.
So yeah…i’m in a mood.
But what will fix that is treating myself to an eyeshadow palette by Viseart that i’ve been coveting for ages now – because hey, i’m not above a little gross consumerism to assuage my pouty feels! It’s expensive, but not if you compare it to paying $85 for a Tom Ford Quad…
The Viseart Palette in Sultry Muse…le siiiigh…Just look at those colours! This little beauty should be in my hands by Monday – i can hardly wait. I was thinking about getting that TF palette, but then i remembered this – and realized that there is no competition; these palettes are professional grade, and have stellar reviews all around. I’ll be waiting with bated breath until it arrives! And, of course, i’ll be giving a thorough review of it…
And now, Kumquats, it’s time for what i wore in this post today! On my lids i wore the pink shade from my Dior Electrify quint, with the light blue as an accent on the inner corners, and the white-pearl shade under the brow. I lined my eyes with the dark blue both on the upper and lower lashline, then went over the upper lashes with my liquid liner, blending the shadow over it for a smoky look. Brows are Chanel angled brow pencil, which i feel is easier to follow my natural arch with, and fill out my rather 90’s looking thin brows; and skin is Burberry BB cream for a satiny, glowy finish. A bit of pink Chanel blush on the apples of my cheeks, and then the piéce de resistance, my TF Ruby Rush lippie! Perfect for a casual night out having a glass of wine or two.
- Dior 5 Couleurs Shadow Eyeshadow Palette in Electrify – $62
- Chanel Joues Contraste Powder Blush in Hyperfresh – $45
- Dr Jart Tiger Grass Color Correcting Treatment – $18
- Cle de Peau Beaute Intensifying Eyeliner in Black – $55
- Chanel Stylo Waterproof Defining Longwear Brow Pencil in Blond Tendre – $33
- Chanel Volume de Chanel Mascara in Noir – $32
- Tom Ford Matte Lipstick in Ruby Rush – $54
- Chanel Les Beiges Healthy Glow Sheer Colour in No. 10 – $58
I hope you enjoyed my rant today, if not my post! If you find my blog objectionable on some deep and important level, please – do tell. If you like it, let me know that, too!
In any case, it’s FRIDAY, everybody, so get out there and have some fun. I know i certainly intend to – because the Mean Reds are only sustainable for so long.
XO – Monday